Lolo Jones, We Are Here For You

News broke earlier this week that U.S. Track and Field star Lori "Lolo" Jones is an adult virgin. The 29-year-old 100 meter hurdler and London Olympic Games hopeful, has been having an extremely tough time finding a guy that will respect her decision to wait until marriage to have sex, due to her devout Christian beliefs. Many guys try to get her to have sex, or just flat out disappear when they find out she has Chronic Virginity (CV). She explains  just how tough it can be on Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel. 


We at NYCAVR want to extend our deepest sympathies to Ms. Jones, and encourage her to stay strong. We also encourage her to come to New York, pay NYCAVR a visit and allow us to help strategize in finding her 'de-virginizer'. A simple suggestion: sign up for ChristianMingle.com. There have to be at least a dozen adult virgins wanting to get married and finally be cured of this horrible condition. If marriage is what Lori needs, so be it! She should not compromise her beliefs for anyone. However, she must know that CV worsens as you get older. So finding a de-virginizer aka husband/life-long companion  should be of the utmost importance to her right now (along with going to the Olympics and winning gold, I guess).

Go for the gold, Lori!

NYCAVR's first commercial!!!

Another telethon to combat Chronic Virginity... TONIGHT!

NYCAVR is still at it! We desperately need your help, so please call in to the telethon. The number of course: (347) 292-9389, or (347) BY-BYE-VY (bye bye, virgin years)! Please call between the hours of 8:00PM and 9:00PM Eastern Time.

Help those, who can't help themselves.

Got any questions/comments about NYCAVR? We want to here from YOU!

If anyone has any questions or comments about NYCAVR, the telethon, or Chronic Virginity... let them be known! We at NYCAVR want to educate the masses about our mission, and could always use any feedback. Let your voice be heard!

Write a question in the comments section, and we'll answer it as quickly and efficiently as possible.

ALSO, don't forget to call in to the telethon this Friday, Sept. 23 between 7:00pm and 10:00pm. (347) 292-9389. That's (347) BY-BYE-VY (bye bye, virgin years)!

Thank you so very much!

Let's Do It Again (hehe)!! NYCAVR to Host Two More Live Telethons to Combat Chronic Virginity!

Please, PLEASE make the call. This Friday Sept. 23 and next Fri., Sept 30, NYCAVR will be ready, willing and able... to answer the phones! If you feel bad about missing the past 3 opportunities to make a difference in a young woman's life (a young woman who's been battling Chronic Virginity for some time, now)... don't be so hard on yourself! Pardon the pun. You have two more opportunities to call in, between 7:00pm and 10:00pm. Also, feel free to leave a message on our voicemail if we miss your call.

Please do your part to help a young woman in need? We've received a number of calls outside of the telethon hours, and would really love to hear from others on Friday.

Remember: the goal of this telethon is to help find a "devirginizer", essentially a "curer" for a 26-year-old woman, battling Chronic Virginity. CV is defined as "a non-contagious condition found only in adults whom have never engaged in sexual activity, primarily sexual intercourse, but may also include oral sex or heavy petting at the very lowest stages of sexual interaction."

The number is (347) 292-9389. That's (347) BY-BYE-VY (bye, bye, virgin years).

Dial safely!!!

Q. What do James Buchanan, Jessica Simpson, and Bao Xishun all have in common?

A. They're all dead?
No.
A. None of them have ever been audited by the IRS?
Possibly... but that cannot be confirmed at this time.

The correct answer is, all three of them have been adult virgins. They belong on a short list of world-famous adult virgins! Bao Xishun was also named the tallest man by the Guinness World Records, which automatically made him the tallest virgin. Hans Christian Andersen? Kierkegaard? Sir Isaac Newton? Joan of Arc? Hitler?
Well.. that last one is actually a relief! Many of the individuals on this list died a virgin, while others were cured of Chronic Virginity.

On one hand, it is safe to conclude that many of these famous adult virgins had other things on their mind (philosophy, soaring up the pop chats, genocide, etc.) than sex. One may assume that a woman like Joan of Arc probably wasn't thinking about getting laid, but we do not know for certain. Perhaps she was shy. She had the incredible ability to voice her opinions about the injustices of the time, and even DIED for her country... but what if the fact is she became painfully shy around her crush? What if she had an inability to communicate with her love interest? This is just one of the symptoms of Chronic Virginity, and had NYCAVR been around when she was alive, she would've been cured of that condition (of course, New York would've needed to be in existence as well).

So, if this list of famous adult virgins speaks to others suffering with CV, we at NYCAVR want to help. NYCAVR will work very, very hard to find a cure for you... we have to make up for centuries of adults who slipped through the cracks!

Third time's a charm! NYCAVR is having its 3rd Telethon on July 23!

If you haven't called in to the telethon (which is everyone, since nobody has called yet), please call the New York Center for Adult Virginity Research tomorrow, July 23, 2011 between 7:30pm and 10:00pm.This will be our third telethon to find a "curer" for one 26-year-old woman, battling Chronic Virginity (CV). The phone number is (347) 292-9389 or (347) BY BYE VY (bye-bye, virgin years)! Please be a part of this special event, please? She's dying to find a cure for this thing!